06/10/2025

Where Have All The Good Boys Gone and Where Are All The Dogs?

We bring you an exceedingly long title to announce Admiral Jonathan Archer’s beagle, Porthos, is missing. The venerable mascot of Earth’s first warp 5 starship, the NX-01 Enterprise, went missing after a transporter demonstration at Starfleet Academy. During his senior thesis on Advanced Quantum Mechanics, Cadet James M. Scott was attempting to demonstrate his revolutionary theory of Trans-warp Beaming. Cadet Scott made several unprecedented demonstrations, both of which broke distance records in molecular transportation. His first attempt was to transport a cargo container to the USS Aberdeen positioned 40,000 km away from Earth. The distance was well out of current transporter range… or so everyone thought. This attempt alone broke established distance records. He then proceeded to break another record by transporting Ambassador Soval’s short-horned terrier, Max, to Tycho Station on Earth’s moon: 238.900 km.

The, might I say, overconfident claimed his paradigm-shifting algorithm was infinitely expandable, and for his final attempt, would transport the reluctant Admiral Archer’s prized beagle to Terra Nova on Mars, a staggering 225 million km away. Unfortunately, the furry quadruped failed to rematerialize on the destination pad. Cadet Scott attempted to retrieve the wayward beagle, launching into a torrent of incoherent technobabble, believing the beast to be trapped in subspace. However, despite his best efforts, and assisted by the transporter experts on hand, he was unsuccessful.

In what is being called a “gross misuse of resources” Admiral Archer has enlisted seven starships; recalling an additional 9 to the sol system to help search for his lost companion. While Cade Scott, having proved his thesis, will graduate the Academy, his future in Starfleet is unclear. The bereaved Admiral had one final note on the matter, “If it were up to me… and it is… I’d send his ass to our furthest outpost. Someplace… cold. If he’s as good as he thinks he is, he can teleport himself back.”

Story by: The Orion